Couples Share Advice for Staying on the Same (Financial) Page

Fidelity Investments released a study in June revealing that couples might not communicate as well as they think they do when it comes to knowledge of finances and retirement-planning issues.

The most recent study identified a number of topics about which couples do not communicate well or agree, among them: the household's investable assets, how much they will need to save to maintain their current lifestyle in retirement, and their expected lifestyle in retirement.

We recently posed a related question to Morningstar.com readers: For those readers with spouses and partners, what's your biggest tip for staying on the same page when spending, saving, and investing?

As one reader pointed out, the results of our unofficial poll differ from Fidelity's in that they likely only capture one half of any couple's shared experience or perspective. Still, we thought it would be interesting to hear our readers' perspectives about how they manage and communicate about personal-finance issues.

What we found was that it is the rare couple, indeed, that is in 100% agreement on all things financial and makes every financial decision together. Instead, many readers said that although they were generally aligned with their partners and felt as though they communicated well about financial issues, they didn't always agree on everything. Some couples preferred to manage certain accounts separately, while collaborating on larger financial decisions. Other respondents said that one partner was primarily responsible for managing the finances in their relationship, but the other partner was in the loop about the overall portfolio as well as saving and investing decisions. Finally, some readers noted that they communicated just fine about financial matters--but they still didn't agree on them. These readers offered advice for how they make their partnership harmonious despite this discord.

What follows is a summary of the responses. If you would like to read the full discussion and weigh in yourself, please click here.

'Our temperaments in regard to saving, spending, and investing are similar, though not identical.' Many respondents said that even though they were on the same general page or had a similar level of financial knowledge as their partner, their philosophies were not exactly in lock-step. For some readers, that means that each partner manages his or her own retirement account, for instance, while larger financial decisions and joint accounts are managed together.

"We share the same basic strategy of investing for the long term, looking for value, and diversifying across various classes of assets. That makes things easier," said retiredgary. "She manages her retirement accounts, and I manage mine, though we discuss significant changes to either before making them. We manage our nonretirement accounts jointly. As to spending, we make big decisions jointly. We probably both tend a little to the careful and bargain-seeking when it comes to spending. That leaves us pretty much on the same page by default. The same thing applies to saving."

"My concern is more about dying early with a lot of money in the bank, while hers is living long and running out of money," said ridg0008. "We have a joint account for core spending, and each have our own personal account. We manage our total assets together, though I take more of the lead in investing. We roll up our assets every six months and our spending annually. She manages most of the bill-paying, determining how much we need to replenish the checking account. All big expenditures get reviewed together in advance." Ridg0008 also mentioned some other things that have helped the couple stay on the same page, such as using a fee-only financial planner to give "an independent view of our situation" and "opening up to each other about our wants and fears."

'[My partner] has interests, both before and after retirement, in things other than investments and leaves that topic to me.' Some other readers, such as texasboy, quoted above, said that in their household, there is one primary financial decision-maker. In many cases, readers said, even though both partners are equally capable of understanding and making these decisions, it appeals to one half of the couple more than the other. Other readers noted that while they made financial decisions as a couple, one partner was responsible for actually managing the finances. However, many readers made clear that even when one partner had a bigger role in managing the finances, they still communicate about financial issues and make sure the other partner is well aware of the couple's overall assets and financial plan. This is an essential consideration in the event that the partner who is not the primary financial decision-maker outlives the one who is, readers said.

For instance, this advice comes from artsdoc: "Talk regularly. [If] you're the one managing the finances, show the assets to your partner so s/he can make an informed decision. If you're not making the decisions, agree to sit down at least annually to know what's going on."

"My wife and I review our short-/mid-term finances together once a quarter (budget vs. actual spending, mid-year review, company trends, and so on) and review our longer-term plan and assumptions (net worth, college, house, retirement, and so on) annually," said javajoe. "As a result of these periodic but intentional conversations, we've done things like pay off our first home early, start a business, become more charitable now versus when we're dead, increase spending on family vacations while our kids are still young, increase life insurance amounts, and a host of other 'joint' decisions."

Smca48 agrees with javajoe that intentional discussion and communication is essential. "Because money is one of the major potential problems for couples, we had many discussions about our long-term goals and our short-term practices; and we've been talking on a regular basis for about 25 years. We're both retired now. I think that intentional good communication is essential. I am the one who makes all the buys and sells, but my wife is participating in decisions, timing, and selection of our mutual funds. We are both working toward the place where we are equally proficient and comfortable about managing our retirement."

And Johnson381 notes, "Both of us have finance degrees and have taken accounting. She pays the bills, I manage our investments. When I trade her IRA, I get her consent. When I trade our joint account, it's not a big issue because she's comfortable with how I do things. We only own 16 stocks and a couple of mutual funds, so things aren't too complicated."

'Not on the same page, nor in the same book--we are not even in the same library!!!' Finally, some respondents, such as BoomerGuy, quoted above, revealed that they do not share the same philosophy with their partner when it comes to saving and investing. As Chief K posits, it's possible that some couples communicate very well regarding financial plans but still do not agree on them.

Dragonpat also offers insight on this: "Often even when there is great communication/disclosure, you cannot get both spouses to agree to the same plan for spending, saving for retirement, and saving for big ticket items like college or a house down payment. The problem with couples' finances is not just lack of communication."

In fact, dragonpat does not feel as though it's essential for both parties to be on exactly the same page with investment decisions; so long as the couple's most essential needs are covered, it's OK for some portion of the investing decision to be left up to each individual's discretion. "Here is what I would recommend for other couples: Set up a joint account and pay routine expenses out of that. Set up [an] account for saving for long-term items like college, retirement, and down payment for a house. Both of you should set up retirement accounts--IRA or 401(k). ... Set aside a certain amount of the money for individual use (at least 10% of salary, if possible). As long as routine expenses, children's expenses, and saving for long-term goals are being met, leave your partner alone on what s/he does with the money in their individual accounts (spending or investment."